She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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