I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
