he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
