I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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