There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
