could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
