I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
