I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
