i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
