onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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