Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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