No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
