fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
