OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drake has all the answers
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
