i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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