His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
