Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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