So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
