i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
