Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize