Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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