Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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