I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
