I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
