Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
