I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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