Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
