I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
