you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
