You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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