i need an iv and a liver transplant
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
