I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
