and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
