The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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