just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
