Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
