I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize