Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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