Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
