Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
