I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were trust falling into bushes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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