shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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