We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
