Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
