Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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