I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
