I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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