how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
