new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
