is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize