I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize