I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They have beer where we have blood.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
