Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
