So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
