She said her name was "party"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
