my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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