Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
