please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
