I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
