Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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