Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
