he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
