There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
