The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
worst night to have a conscience
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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