just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
