morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
