He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
