dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
