If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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