If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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