sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
