Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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