Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ttyl tear gas
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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