dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
