Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
