I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize