we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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